Kai's Ultimatum to Bocchi: Harsh But Necessary

Debating the morality (or lack thereof) of actions taken by certain characters is a common pasttime for fans of various shows. This time, I'll take a look at Hitoribocchi OO Seikatsu, a comedy anime, of all things, and discuss whether Kai was right to break off her friendship with Bocchi until the latter befriended her entire class. In my opinion, this is a harsh, even cruel, move, but one that was arguably necessary even if it could have been done better.

The Situation

Bocchi Hitori, the show's main character, has been socially awkward for as long as her best- and only- friend Kai Yawara has known her. Her social anxiety was so bad that despite being an excellent student, Bocchi was unable to go to the interview for the middle school Kai got into (middle school lasts from seventh to ninth grade in Japan), resulting in the two friends going their separate ways.

Noticing that Bocchi had a problem, Kai made an ultimatum. She would break off her friendship with Bocchi until the latter had befriended her entire class. Since Bocchi had the sympathetic point of view, and suffered no end of anguish due to this, many viewers came to hate Kai. I can understand where those viewers are coming from, even if I ultimately believe that Kai had valid reasons for her actions.

Why It's Harsh

I will begin by looking at the reasons why Bocchi's ultimatum was overly harsh and poorly thought-out.

The first reason is, as you might imagine, being a particularly harsh ultimatum that puts something precious to Bocchi at sake. Say what you will about Kai; she is a dear friend to Bocchi, and Bocchi wouldn't be trying so hard if she didn't value Kai. In fact, early on, Nako is somewhat offended to hear that Bocchi might only want to befriend her to regain her friendship with Kai. As such, Kai's ultimatum comes off as emotional blackmail in some ways.

The second reason is the difficulty of the request, exacerbated by factors that Bocchi (who does not go to Bocchi's school) may not know about but should have anticipated. Bocchi's class consists of 29 people, so befriending all 28 of her classmates over the course of three years is a monumental undertaking. While Bocchi's school does not shuffle its classes between years, if it did, then Bocchi would possibly find herself back to square one if all of her friends were moved to another class. There is also the possibility that some of Bocchi's new classmates may not want to become friends with her; Sokota initially considers Bocchi a master rather than a friend, while Kako has no desire to make friends at all.

Lastly, the ultimatum puts the onus on Bocchi, and provides her with no help in achieving this goal. Perhaps Kai could have introduced her friends to Bocchi, since she clearly has friends of her own(as is later revealed in the manga, Kai made friends despite distancing herself from others out of guilt over what she did to Bocchi), helping Bocchi get used to speaking to other people. Bocchi would need to learn to reach out to other people herself, but providing some help would make it easier for Bocchi to change herself.

In the end, even Kai realizes that the ultimatum was too harsh, and ended up punishing herself by staying distant from her class until two girls reach out to her. But was she wrong to do what she did?

Why It's Necessary

The previous section discussed why Kai's ultimatum was not the best choice. This section will describe why it's better than doing nothing.

To put it simply, Bocchi needs to learn how to make friends and even interact with others. In addition to not making any friends besides Kai for several years, her social anxiety prevented her from getting into Kai's middle school, a situation in which her inability to interact with others has noticeable consequences for Bocchi, and should have been a wake-up-call for her even without Kai putting her foot down. Having difficulty interacting with others will likely make it difficult for her to find a job and/or get married in adulthood, so it is important for her to work on her problems now.

Bocchi's life improved as a result of doing what Kai asked. Initially, she hoped to take the easy way out and make herself the only one in Class 1-1 by default, but she was forced to challenge herself and reach out to others. Over time, she not only becomes able to socialize with people besides Kai, but even gradually becomes the one who can make the first contact, something that she struggled with for much of the spring and early summer of her first year of middle school. Perhaps a large part of this was because she wanted to become friends with Kai again, but Bocchi has changed for the better.

As unrealistic as the prospect of Bocchi befriending her entire class is, Kai had a justified reason for setting the bar high. As she expresses later on in the manga, she was afraid that if Bocchi was expected to make only a single friend, she would simply settle for that friend, and nothing would change. By requiring Bocchi to befriend every single classmate, Kai made it so that every single classmate matters, and Bocchi wouldn't merely settle for the first person willing to spend time with her. By reaching out to and trying to befriend relatively difficult classmates like Kako, Bocchi continues to grow as a person.

Lastly, as harsh as this is, the plan is selfless, and ultimately has Bocchi's best interests in mind. If Kai was selfish and manipulative, she could have easily capitalized on her status as Bocchi's only friend, and used that to control her, but Kai is instead forcing Bocchi to get out of her comfort zone, even if Bocchi ends up hating her for that. Kai is afraid of that, and with good reason, but she does understand what she is asking of Bocchi.

Perhaps Bocchi may never achieve the goal Kai set for her, but she has made significant progress and changed as a person. It may be an overstatement to say that Kai was solely to thank for that, but she did recognize that Bocchi had a problem and set out to solve it.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Kai's ultimatum is something that a twelve-year-old would come up with. She fails to put enough thought into the goal she set or how Bochi would realistically accomplish it, but she does understand that her friend needs to learn how to make other friends.

So what should this mean for Kai and Bocchi's friendship? I personally think Kai owes Bocchi an apology for causing her heartache by forcing her into this promise, regardless of her good intentions. That said, I personally think that Bocchi will accept that apology, since not only is Kai a precious friend to her, but she will likely come to understand the importance of reaching out. Their friendship may never be quite the same as it was before, if only because Kai is no longer Bocchi's only friend, but after they change, it may well end up becoming stronger.